DEAD PREZ - The Beauty Within

Cheryl 'Pepsii' Riley - Thanks For My Child

The Significance of Closure

At the end of each year, folks around the world take personal inventory of accomplished goals, missed opportunities and prospects for tomorrow.  With 21 days left before this year is officially over, I have taken the time to focus on the importance of closure and self-reflection.  I began this digital diary at the start of 2010 thinking that this was a great medium for sharing my personal message and hearing from folks out in cyberspace about their experiences.  The only drawback is that my marketing tactics were weak and nearly non-existent.  What the blogs have morphed into resembled more of journal pages in digital format for public view.  However, I am appreciative of the courage to begin to share myself with such candor.  Today I know that this journey would not have been complete if I did not comprise a list of the things that actually got completed in 2010.  At this moment I want to acknowledge myself for the following:

1. Having the courage to start the Brown Girls Talk Blog
2. Inviting a few friends to actually read my words
3. Self publishing my 1st self-help book entitled "Always the Victor, Never A Victim: Healing, Loving & Laughing While Affirming Yourself
4. Taking 2 all female trips to New Orleans & Las Vegas for the 1st time in my life
5. Visiting 2 cities in California for the purposes of relocation
6. Driving cross country to relocate to San Diego, CA
7. Applying and entering a PhD program
8. Submitting, serving and awaiting the final decree for a divorce
9. Living on my own for the 1st time in my life
10. Caring for my mother who had major surgery

While the aforementioned accomplishments may not seem so grand, they are events which have made me feel a sense of pride.  They can be used as reminders for what I am capable of achieving despite the appearance of madness and confusion all around.  The way we begin a thing is typically the way that we end it.  I'd like to believe that I began 2010 with a sense of strength and resilience.  And it is only natural that I close the year out in the same way.  Although there are some other areas which I intend to bring closure to by December 31, I know that acknowledging my personal accomplishments had to get completed.

My Poppa: A Gift from God

At this time on the gregorian calendar, millions of people around the world are preparing to give, receive, purchase and make gifts for their family, friends and folks in need.  While I support any effort that brings joy, peace and happiness to the planet, I thought it necessary to express my sincere gratitude for the greatest gift that I have ever been blessed to receive.
His name is Poppa. He is my 1st and only child to this date.  He has been the greatest gift that any woman could ask for in life.  I acknowledge that Poppa is not some academic, athletic or artistic prodigy according to society's standards, yet he is my prodigy.  Poppa is unique in his walk, talk and overall swagger, and for that I am thankful.  Although we don't always see eye 2 eye, I love this adolescent on a cellular and molecular level.  You don't share a body with a person for nearly a year and sever the connection because they physically detach.  We are bonded for life.  He may not always respond to my requests, screams and frustrations on their initial projection.  Yet, we are bonded for life.  He may use all types of profane verbiage while playing his PS3, but he is my gift from God.  To me Poppa is a great humanitarian, orator, leader and spiritual warrior in his own right.  He is a baby soldier on a journey, and we are on this battlefield together.  He is the 5 star general of his life, and I am his 2nd in command.  I can't imagine what it means to be "public enemy #1" i.e. black man in America, yet I can envision a transformed existence for God's greatest gift to me.  Although our journey together began a while ago, this is the 1st time that I am consciously choosing to walk the path beside Poppa.  Not taking the lead like some overbearing control freak of a mother.  Not taking the back like some disempowered soul.  Gonna grab his hand and forge into the seemingly uphill battle called life and conquer the fears, the frustrations and the upsets together.  I figured since I have been blessed with a gift from God, I must honor, cherish and reverence the Creator that dwells within My Poppa.  For this gift, I am eternally grateful.

I Call It Spirit

Whew! What a ride this has been.  Today is the first opportunity that I have taken to compose any words on this page since I published my 1st book back in April.  The title of the book is "Always the Victor, Never a Victim: Healing, Loving & Laughing While Affirming Yourself."  Now that was a mouthful, yet befitting of all that has occurred over the last several months as well as what it has taken for me to get through every valley and mountain.  In the words of Maya, "And still I rise." The journey that I want to share is not a recount of how I drove cross country with my cat Vinny with a few shekels in my wallet and an even fewer number of shekels in the bank.  The journey that I want to share is that of a spiritual nature.  Spiritual in the sense of there being a force greater than anything that I could ever imagine.  I know this to be the truth because my journey would not have been possible without that awesome power.  Each day that I awaken, I have the opportunity to pray, meditate, affirm and write.  I use all of these tools to govern my every motion because I know that they are what have me be empowered in living a life that I absolutely love even when it seems impossible.  The faith that I have in the Creator is combined with unseen and expectancy.  While I can't see the miracle, I have my arms outstretched and my basket ready to receive the blessings that are promised to the good and righteous.  Note that I didn't say perfect.  Even in my imperfections, I believe that the Universe will grant me favor.  For when I expect much, and work in the direction of greatness, I am rewarded heavily.  There is no mystery and simultaneously the mystery continues.

The Spring of Life

The month of March brings with it the hopes and fears of a new season that awaits on the horizon, and still the ever lingering anchor of an old season phasing out.  Such is true with the growth and development in our lives.  Human beings have the propensity of allowing our feelings and emotions to travel on the same solstices as the four seasons.  Hence, feelings of despair, sadness and down right depression are prevalent in many during the winter months.  For the purposes of this month's blogs, I'm choosing to focus on the welcoming of a new and vibrant season that is far out, yet close enough to envision.  I'm zeroing in on the upswing.

I am in the spring of my life.  All living organisms have stages and changes that must be experienced in order for life to exist. For the past few months, I have been experiencing a deep dark wintery life.  Managing a divorce, raising a teenage male child in the inner city and selecting a career that makes me feel alive and vibrant most days.  Well, those cold and clueless days are behind me for the moment.  I am embracing the possibilities and hopes that lie before me that are visible and fathomable simultaneously.
The frightening part is that I have no idea of what is to come next, yet I am fearless enough to keep moving, living and loving to find out what the universe has in store for the adventurous one.

In the spring of my life, I am taking no prisoners and holding no hostages.  I am living for the moment and living for myself.  My life is loaded with solutions and answers, and I am uncovering those secrets each day.  Each day I perform daily rituals which include praying, meditating, exercising, affirming and writing.  These are mandatory practices that I have implemented in order for my life to be one that I love.  There is no turning back at this point.  I have lost some lovers and some friends, but this is a part of the journey when spring is coming.  Old things must die so that new life can make its way and thrive.
I am indeed in the spring of my life.

While spring time is accompanied by rain, clouds and dampness, I know that the sunshine looms in the background awaiting its opportunity to be known.  Recognizing the rainbow before it is visible informs me that we are in the spring of our lives.

The Abundance of Life

These past few days have been filled with fun and excitement.  I have taken inventory of the accomplishments in my life no matter how great or small I may think.  Life is a precious thing.  After composing 25 success stories, I recognize that my life is filled.  My cup runneth over, and my world is blessed.  My heart beats, brain thinks and stomach churns without me having to process any of it.  For that alone, I am grateful.  We are on this journey for a reason, and it would be quite ungrateful of us to complete the journey before the Author of Life says it's over.  Don't know the day or the hour, yet I know it will come.  Today I am not rushing the time.  I am living in the moment, and thanking the Creator for it all.  The abundance that I have in my life is overwhelming, and I am appreciative.  Giving thanks for it all, big and small.

Choosing Life

This month the universe has inspired me to have a conversation about living.  Now yesterday, I gave a personal account of my battle with depression and suicide.  Today I want to say that I love living!  I have taken the time to sit, think and write about the many blessings that I have in my life.  I have opted to post those blessings onto the wall so that I can remember them in my dark moments.  Now I don't want you to think that I am being too grim because this is an empowerment blog, however, the way to empowerment sometimes requires dealing with ugly experiences.

Choosing life does not mean that every day will be filled with complete joy, love and happiness.  But I am certain that if you continue to show appreciation for the life that we have been given, the greatness will evolve and manifest.  

PRO-LIFE

The intention of these words is of a therapeutic nature.  The title of this blog is called PRO-LIFE.  For many people this term is associated with a woman who is in the valley of decision when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.  Today I dare to stretch the perspective to lean itself to that of a woman faced with an unplanned pregnancy that comes from deep within and does not lead to the birth of a physical child but of that of a spiritual self re-birthing.  I'm talking about suicide.  For many years it has been a demon that I have had to manage from a deep dark place within my own heart, mind and soul.  As a younger woman, I attempted suicide with pills.  I wrote my obituary, and I planned the event as if it were a birthday party.  Obviously I was unsuccessful.  Often times, the thoughts come when I am feeling the most disempowered.  Thank God I have a gamut of resources which support me in managing these thoughts and feelings when they occur.  I write these words in a spirit of candor and vulnerability.  Perhaps you are someone who has thought of such an act, and are searching for a way to stay put.  Perhaps, you cannot tell anyone as I so boldly profess.  Perhaps, you have found this page as an act of divine intervention.  Whatever the method, I pray that these words can assist you because they are assisting me.  I recognize that I have many things to be grateful about today.  No matter how great or how small, I know that my life has a purpose.  I did not race against a billion other sperm cells to meet the egg just to end it all.  That journey would have been for naught.  I write these words as a testament of my strength, endurance, will power and spiritual supplications.  There is a greater experience awaiting my arrival, and if I end it all too soon then I will never get to experience the joy.  I'm holding on to life and I encourage you to do the same.  It is the most precious gift from the Creator of all living things.

Peace, Love & Life

Step 7 of Healing-Laughing Out Loud

Time to laugh out loud (lol), laugh my a@@ off (lmao) and roll on the the floor laughing (rotfl)!  Not because the situation that we are managing is so funny, but to recognize the power and impact that laughing has on elevating a person's spirit, energy and vibration.  Choose your source of laughter.  It may be watching a comedic performance, watching weird U-Tube videos or calling that friend you know who is always good at making you give off a great bellow from the gut that causes you to almost stop breathing.  I am not talking about a polite smile or a phony chuckle.
Laughing has a way of having you look at your situation with more clarity and light-heartedness.  It forces us to shift something inside in order to alter our perspective.  So get out that joke book or watch a funny movie.  Time to laugh, laugh, laugh!  Laughter is a healing tool indeed.

Step 6 of Healing-FORGIVENESS

It may sound cliche, but I'm telling you it works. Forgiving someone or some circumstance that you feel has wronged you can be challenging.  It is not the place that you start, but it is a place where you ultimately end up.  The forgiveness that I speak to here is self-forgiveness.  It is imperative that we admonish ourselves for being in the situation in the first place.  The soul will be completely unrested as long as we clutch the despair of pain and hurt.  There is healing in forgiving even when you may want to remain angry.  I say forgive because anger can cause cancer, tumors and heart failure.  I'm not a master @ forgiveness, however, I am a willing student of the practice.  It doesn't happen automatically which is why this is the 6th stage of the healing process.  Forgiveness is the way!  Keep pressing forward we are almost there.  Forgive and ultimately you will forget.

Step 5 of Healing-Write It!

When we are experiencing pain and disappointment, we naturally want to run and tell someone about the tribulation.  Well, I'm here to say...STOP! Don't talk about it, WRITE about it!  There is strength and power in expressing yourself through words, and writing can have a therapeutic effect on people.  It does not have to be a best seller, a 5 paragraph essay or a dissertation.  It could be a simple word that describes your feelings and experiences.  Don't analyze. Don't criticize. WRITE!!
Write until you cry, until you laugh,until your hand aches or until Divine says that you are complete.  Fear not the ridicule of others when expressing yourself in written form because No One is perfect.  So we might say, "How is writing supposed to help me with my problem, issue or concern?"  My response is simply GO WRITE IT!

Step 4 of Healing-Love Yourself

At this stage of healing, it is essential to love yourself.  The process is challenging and has the tendency to have one blame and beat themselves up.  If you believe and trust that the higher source will guide and protect, then there is no need to punish yourself further.  Never condemn. Never abuse. Tell yourself that you are worthy of love and support and the Creator will provide it for you.  Love you first and all things will fall into place.  Happy Healing!

Step 3 of Healing-Access A Superpower

STOP, get quiet and keep still!  Once you have identified what the issue/concern may be for you, it's time to call upon a higher source.  The methodology that you select is purely your own.  Cry, scream, bow down or write.  There IS more than one way to skin a cat.  The important thing is that you go to a source that is greater than yourself.  So you say what if I don't believe in a Supreme Being?  Then I say to you go to your ego, your textbook or your scientific theory.  The who, what, where questions are irrelevant at this stage of healing.  We are simply acknowledging that we are powerless over the circumstance.  In the infinity of life, all is perfect and complete when we access a superpower.  Go to that source with humility and submission.  Ask more questions and offer less statements, and then patiently wait for the revelation to come to you.  

Step 2 of Healing-Identify The Concern

In time all things heal.  Yet, these things must be supported by tools.  After one acknowledges that a problem exists, he/she must get still to identify what the problem is that needs to be eradicated.  Having the ability to discern for oneself what our issues/concerns are is a true sign of growth and development.  Don't try to solve the problem.  Don't attempt to take on more than one problem.  Simply accept that there is a problem and be empowered in knowing what it is for today.  The journey of healing from a loss, a heartbreak or any type of disappointment is a moment by moment experience.  Be present and live in the moment.

Step 1 of Healing-ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Healing is as personal as choosing your spiritual journey in life. There is no one method to restoring your soul. We must recognize that the process is neither fast nor slow. It is simply that... a process. A number of stages, steps and exercises which lead you to wholeness, completeness and wellness.

Step 1 is acknowledgement. When we acknowledge that there is an issue, this is when the healing journey begins. Don't process. Don't judge and don't compare. Simply sit still and acknowledge the need for healing.